So, I began to think about what is behind my music (journey)? What demons am I holding on to because I am ashamed or because I just feel like I have to hold on to them? And there is one big demon (stronghold) that I have been holding on too, one demon that has been causing me to question if I deserve what God has in store for me and my family. So, what’s behind my music is the fact that I had an abortion 3 years ago. Some might say why did I do that and other might understand, but the reality of it all is that I made the choice to abort a pregnant because I did not feel that I was ready for a child. During that time me and my boyfriend, now husband, where fighting all the time and I thought that we were going to break up. How could I have a baby with someone that might not be in my life forever? I am a product of a single parent family, and it was hard growing up with just a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother because she raised me and took care of me. But I have always missed that father daughter connection. I have always felt like I wasn’t good enough because my daddy did not want me and I did not a child of mine to ever feel like that. So, me and Lee talked bout it and we both decided that the best thing for us to do would be to have an abortion.
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The Act of Being Engaged: Day 6
I am still not as excited as I thought I would be, and people keep asking me if I am excited or nervous. Should I be nervous, and how excited should I be? Being that I have never done this before how excited should I be is the question that I am seeking an answer to. Am I weird because I am just like whatever about the whole thing? Don’t get me wrong I love Lee, and he makes me want to be better and do better; I just don’t get why I should be nervous.
Well, let’s see what happens in the days to come. I am very blessed to have someone that loves me so much that they want to spend the rest of their life with me. Until next time, I’ll holla.
Living A Positive Life: The Act of Being Engaged: Day 8
Living A Positive Life: The Act of Being Engaged: Day 8: “Day 8 was an interesting day. Another one of my coworkers found out that I am getting married, and she was very surprised. This coworker is …”
The Act of Being Engaged: Day 8
Then on my way home I was listening to Jamie Fox’s song, I Wish You Were Here. I then started to think about all of the things my mother has missed: my graduation from chiropractic school, my graduation from Joseph Business School, and now my wedding ceremony. I then got sad because I realized that she has missed and will miss every important part of my adult life. Maybe that is way I am not that excited about this milestone because me very best friend will not be here to see it. I miss her so much, that sometimes I think that I just don’t do stuff because I miss her. I really do miss her and I really wish she was here.
That was day 8, so let me know what you think. Until next time, I am out.
The Act of Being Engaged: Day 9
But as nice as that sounds, I am wondering if it is normal to be scared? Let me hear what you have to say as I continue to count down to the big day.
The Act of Being Engaged: Day 11
I feel so special and loved, some of my own family members don’t care that much. Even if I don’t pick one of the watches they show me, I am so thankful to have coworkers like them. Well, continue to follow me on the count down to my big day. See if I actually use the watch or not. See you tomorrow.
Living A Positive Life: The Act Of Being Engaged: The Count Down To The We…
Living A Positive Life: The Act Of Being Engaged: The Count Down To The We…: “Well, as you can tell from the title of this post I am now counting down the days of my engagement; 12 more days until I am Dr. Jeanine Smit…”
The Act Of Being Engaged: The Count Down To The Wedding Day (12 Days and Counting)
Well, as you can tell from the title of this post I am now counting down the days of my engagement; 12 more days until I am Dr. Jeanine Smith. During the period of my engagement I have learned a lot about myself, my husband-to-be, and marriage as a whole. This period has been stressful, but I have so enjoyed the courtship period (the boyfriend and girlfriend stage); but I must say I am looking forward to our next phase. I won’t go into a long drawn out lesson of how I was feeling, how he was feeling, or how others around us felt; but I will say that communication is indeed to most important part of any relationship. Out of everything that I have experienced during this phase of my life, (sex or no sex, spending time or not, making dinner for him or not, etc.) communication was and will continue to be the top priority of the relationship. Without steady communication all the other elements of the relationship will fall to the wayside.
So, I would like to just updated you on what I have accomplished concerning the details of our upcoming big day. If you all don’t know, Lee and I will be getting married on June 24, 2011 at 12:30pm. The ceremony will be small and intimate, nevertheless planning it was still a little stressful. Anyway, I have my dress, shoes, jewelry, hair accessories, the cake, the restaurant venue, his suit, his shoes, his wedding gift, the favors, and the place where the ceremony will take place. I also have our wine glasses and cake cutter and server. So, I have done a lot in a short time. But I still need make-up, whitening stripes for my teeth, some sexy sleepwear, and my nails need to be done. I have my something old, and blue. I don’t have something borrowed or new yet. We also have our rings and they are so beautiful.
So, please join me on my count down to Jeanine and Lee’s Big Day. The theme of our day is “Two Becoming One.” And I believe that it is a fitting theme, because God designed us the become on with our mates. However, we must allow the transition to take place through God being the head and communicating with each other. Let’s count down together. So, if you have any advise or last minute suggestions please let me know. The count down has began-12 days to go.
Being Ashamed And Why We Must Learn How To Let It Go: Part 2
So, someone might ask, how do I think it should like? That is a good question, and I would have to say that I think it should look homey and comfortable. The home should be a place of clam and peace, a place where you can go to get away from the rough world and just be. My house is homey, and it can be comfortable at times, but as far as that other factors, I believe that I don’t have it down pack yet. So, let me be a little more transparent. My house has a lot of clutter in it because I don’t have a lot of space. I have a lot of books and clothes and stuff. I need a new bed because the one that I currently have is just about to give out, but on a good note I have a bed and I have a roof over my head. Some people don’t even have a place to lay their heads at night. Like I stated earlier, the situation that I am in is just not God’s best for me.
So, shame has crept into my life and that shame has caused me to isolate myself from people that love and care about me. But God’s word says that the last shall be the first, and that I am the head and not the tail. So, I know that the situation that I am in is an opportunity for me to learn and grow, and allow God to prepare me for my calling and His best. How can I take care of a bigger house if I can’t take care of the current house that I have now. So, I must forgive myself for falling short in some areas concerning my house and learn how to be grateful for what God has given me thus far. Being grateful is the way you can ensure that shame does not come into your life, and it will open up your heart to receive more.
So, with all that being stated, I have realized that my house is my house and it is only as comfortable as I make it. Yeah, I can make some improvements on it, and give some stuff away; but at the end of the day this is the house that the Lord has blessed me with and I is my job to watch over it in the best way that I can. So, I am learning to just let it go, be grateful, stay prayerful, and God will do the rest. Because the best is yet to come. I hope this has inspired you to just let whatever may be causing you shame go; just let it go. Because being ashamed causes you to miss out on the best that God has for you. Let me know what you think or what has caused you shame; together we can make a change and cause a change.
Being Ashamed and Why We Must Learn How to Let it Go
I am back, as it has been a long time since I last updated my site, but I am back with more live lessons that I have learned and I am ready to share them with the world. So, lets get right into my new topic, Being ashamed. I have found myself being ashamed of numerous amount of things in my life, and I also learned that because of this shame I am holding myself back from achieving so many things. It might have something to with fear. I think that if people found out about some of my issues that they might not want to associate with me anymore. I am also think that I am not worthy of the blessings that God has for me because of these issues. However, as I study the word of God, I am beginning to understand where this fear (the shame) comes from, and why I must just let it go.
I am engaged to be married, and if any of you have ever planned a wedding, or anything resembling a wedding, then you know just how stressful it can be and how expensive it can be. So, it has been extremely challenging for me and my hubby-to-be to make ends meet; but even before we got engaged we struggled financially. God’s word says that I am rich, and that I am the head and not the tail; but in the natural I am in debt and I can barley paid for gas and food. Because I can barley paid for some of the basics I am ashamed and then I don’t feel worthy of the blessings that God has promised me. I have never shared this with anyone; because I have wrote it out plainly, I can see how I am allowing the devil to stop me from moving forward. Also, the above statement is freeing because I can now began to forgive myself, as God has already forgiven because I have already asked forgiveness in Jesus name. But I have not been able to forgive myself and that is why the devil keeps on bringing it up and shame keeps coming into my life. That shame has stopped me from doing what the Lord has called me to do. God’s word says that I am the head and not the tail, I am above only and not beneath, I am rich because Jesus became poor. The Lord also promised that He is able to provide for me, which will enable me to support myself (2 Corinthians 9:8); stated in my own wording but I advise everyone to read it. The shame that the enemy is putting on me is causing my faith to shrink, and that is what the devil wants. Without faith, I can not do anything and the Lord can’t bless me and then I will be stuck in my situation. However, this is not the purpose that God has for me, and because I am studying the word of God, my spirit keeps reminding me of that, but my spirit is also telling me to let it go, forgive myself, and learn from my mistakes and grow stronger, and continue to move forward. I have to stop looking back to over analyzing my past mistakes; which continues to cause me to feel sad and shame.
So, I am telling you all this because we all go through stuff like this and even the strongest person we know has a weak moment. But we all must study to show ourselves improved, because that it the only way that the word is going to get into our hearts to grow fruit. The promises of God are real and true, and He desires us all to live the life that He has called us to live. We can’t continue to allow shame to come into our lives and cause us to stop moving forward. Let’s learn together how to let it go, to forgive our self. Because we all fall down sometimes, but we can get back up In Jesus Name. Please remember that you are not the only person who has problems, we all have issues, but the different between the winners and the losers is that the losers quit and the winners keep moving in spite of failures (they learn from their failures).
So, in closing I pray that we all receive Gods forgiveness and that we all truly forgive ourselves for past failures, learn from them, and continue to move forward. In Jesus, we will no longer be ashamed of those past failures or short comings, but we will allow them to teach us. No more shame, in Jesus Name, Amen.
Follow me on my journey of forgiveness and let me know what you think. Until next stay encouraged.