Hi guys, 2018 is quickly coming to an end and in comes a whole new-2019. 2019 is another trip or chapter in my journey (and your journey). But and at the tail end of the year 2018 I wanted to share with you all my 2018 trip/ chapter of my journey. I do believe that this may be one of the hardest post that I have ever written thus far, but I wanted to share my truth because I know that it may help someone else on their journey.
First, let’s define the term JOURNEY. Journey means, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, something suggesting travel or passage from one place to another, or an act or instance of traveling from one place to another. So, I am in the process of traveling (mentally) from one place to another. Every journey, no matter what, starts in the mind and then it manifest outwardly (See Proverbs 23:7). Thus my truth about my journey, thus far, is that my journey that has taken through soooooo many twist and turns and heart-break. I have also experience joy, love, and success.
I initial wanted to talk about my weight lost journey, but that is only one aspect of my journey; which is on going but it comes with up and down all in it’s self. However, my heart told me to go in a different direction, and direction that is a little more personal and painful. At the end of my 2018 journey I know I must be a little more transparent, because that is where my healing lies, So, here goes nothing. At the beginning of 2018, the start of the 2018 journey, I was dealing with some martial issues that was very devastating to our relationship. I lose my trust in my husband and my heart was broken. I had to have surgery because I had an ectopic pregnancy. I lost my sweet pea. Losing my child was also devastating. During this time I was trying to gain some clarity and peace. I silently asked myself why, why did this happen to me? Why Lord? Then the next twist occurred, and this was the stick that broke the camels back. In the summer of 2018, the half way point of my 2018 journey, my friend that I had for 18 plus years told me that I have never been a good friend and that she no longer wanted to be my friend. So, in one day I lost a close friend and business (oh-we were also business partners). Spirit was crushed. I was already hanging on by a thread, but when that occurred the thread broke.
I questioned everything that I thought I knew about me and I slipped into depression. This year I have felt so alone, because the two people that I trusted with my heart broke it into a million little pieces, and then told me that it was my fault. And started to believe it, so then I started to look at myself and say what could I have done differently to prevent these events from happening to me. And the truth is there is nothing that I could have done to prevent these events from happening, because I needed those events to happen to realize (truly realize) that I am not alone because God is always with me and thinking of me. And I had to realize that I do not know who I am truly. In the mist of my depression I heard the Lord tell me that He would never leave me or forsake me. And that is what I meditated on daily, and said daily. When negative thoughts came into my mind I would say out loud that the Lord would never leave me nor forsake me, and so I am never alone.
There are so many things that I have learned about myself in 2018, and I believe that the Lord had been trying to tell me this for 40 years. But it took the events that took place in 2018 to get me to listen. I learned that I have a lot of fear in my heart, which will cause me to react to situations because I am scare of something. I learned that I am a people pleaser, I want people to like that I will try to change to be liked by people. Being a people pleaser has caused me to lose myself, I don’t know who I am. So, I know you all are thinking that this is a lot and what did I do. Well, the first thing I did, after I realized that God has never left me and will never leave me, I praised God for being the one that I can truly trust and lean on. And that is how it is suppose to be-God MUST be our one and only source for everything that we will ever need or want. Next, the Holy Spirit told me that I MUST get clear on who I am. So, now I am, with the help and lead of the Holy Spirit, figuring out who I am. And this time I am look to God to tell me and show me in His word who I am.
2018 taught me that God is the only way and that you must know who God says you are, because He is the one who created us. For so long I have been listening to the world and trying to be the person that the world said I should be, and this has lead me to not know who I am nor love myself. My journey will continue and I will grow from these events, and God will be with me every step of the way.
Guys you ae not alone on your journey because God is there, He will never leave you nor forsake you. Please don’t listen to those negative voices in your mind telling you that you are nothing, because God say that you are everything. He sacrificed His only child so that we could live a happy and blessed life, so live. God is with you He will never leave you or forsake you. I pray that by me sharing my story will help you along your journey. Until next time.. Life Is But A Journey..
