Hello my beautiful Tribe. I know that it has been a minute since the last time I have written a post. And trust me when I say I have missed you guys. The topic that I am discussing with you all was a very difficult topic for me at a point in my life, but I made a promise to myself to be transparent with you all and tell my story, and how I use my story to create future chapters of my story. The main reason that this topic was difficult for me to discuss is because it forced me to come face-to-face with the parts of me that I was trying hide from the world. I had to come face-to-face with the not so pretty parts of me that I was told I should not be apart of me. I had to realize that I am both good and bad, and then accept it.
I know you all maybe wondering how did this topic come about and why talk about it? What made me want to continue to dig deeper within myself to reveal those dark places? And would you believe that it was a children’s movie that moved me to dig deeper within to see those dark places. Well, let’s begin this part of the journey called Acceptance of Self…
I am sure that some of you have heard of the movie ” The Never Ending Story”. Well, I decided to watch this movie with my son, because I just wanted to spend some time with him in his world. Anyway, there is a part of the movie when the warrior had to come face-to-face with his true self in order to move forward on his quest. And just then the light bulb went of in my head. In order for us to move forward in life we must face and accept our selves – all of the good and all of the bad parts of ourselves.
For so many years I struggled with who I am. I always questioned who am I and why am I here? And because I really did not know who I was, I always tried to be what someone else said I should be just so I could be liked and accepted by others. During this time in my life, when I was people pleasing my worth and value lied with what I could do for people. Needless to say, I brought this version of myself into my marriage and I attempted to build my family on a broken foundation. I did not accept myself for who I was so how could I accept my husband or son for who they are. I was always judging them, because I was always judging me. See how that works?
Anyway, I know that you all may be wondering how did I get from lying to everyone, including myself, to a place of realizing who I am and accepting me for me. Well guys, let me tell you it was not easy. As a matter of fact it was very painful and emotional draining. I had to dismantle a lot of beliefs that I had that were no longer serving me. And I had to start taking full ownership and responsibility for the choices that I have made in my life. Do you guys know just how painful it was to sit down and say Jeanine you made a choice to stay in relationships with men who cheated on you, and Jeanine own the fact that you chose to have an abortion at 28 year old? I had to own it all. No one made me do those things, but I made those decisions and many more out of fear. And I had to own that too. I was scared that I would not find someone to love me or that I wouldn’t be a good mother, or whatever. It all stemmed for fear. And I know that some of you can totally relate.
Step one to any type of transformation is awareness. I had to become aware of the limiting beliefs, those trees planted within me, that where holding me back from living my life my way. Once I became aware of those limiting beliefs I begin to ask myself where did they come from, why do I think this way, why? I asked myself a lot of questions and over time I realized that most of the beliefs that I had about myself were taught to me by people who cared about me. Guys, the fact is we get a lot of our limiting beliefs (the beliefs that tell us how we should be, what we can do or not, and what we can have or not) from the people we love the most. I learned how to be a people pleaser during my childhood, and it just carried over into my adult life. WHY? Great question, and the answer is because that is what they were taught. The people we love the most were taught wrong, so of course they will teach us wrong.
The people that cared about me only wanted the very best for me, and they did their very best to give me the very best, even if it was wrong it was all they had to give to prepare me for the world. And I love them for that. And I want to offer you all that same realization about the people in your life, they did the very best they could with what they had, choose to love them because they did not know what they did not know.
So, from awareness comes understanding. And once I was aware of my limiting beliefs I was able to understand Jeanine more. I was able to understand why I would stay with men who have cheated on me, or why I had an abortion, or my I judge people so hard. Once I could understand me I could begin to accept the entire person that is Jeanine, flaws and all. From understanding I was able to find me again, and I was able to stop being a victim to my story and start owning my story. Now, step two is understanding. You must understand who you are, why you did what you did, and know that it is okay because you did the best you could do with what you had.
So, who is Jeanine?
I am good and bad.
I am a citizen of the kingdom of God.
I am a spiritual being because I am made in God’s image.
I am a righteous being, because Jesus paid the ultimate price for me.
I am naive.
I am ingeneous.
I am judgmental.
I am a creator.
I am a teacher.
I am a person that has been abandon.
I am unsupportive.
I am loving.
I am giving.
I am a workaholic.
I am worthy.
I am valuable.
I am who God says I am.
I had to accept those parts of me that this world said was bad. And once I was able to accept every part of Jeanine I could let down the mask and allow God to use me in the way He saw fit. So, see guys you have to accept you in your entirety before you can be used by God, before you can move forward. Because it is in your acceptance that freedom comes.
Now let me explain why I choose to discuss this topic.
I chose this topic because someone out there is struggling with who they are right now. They are trying to be everything for everyone else instead of really being and accepting who they are. Someone right now is on the verge of doing something that they will regret. I was that someone at one point in my life too, and I just wanted to know that I was not alone. So, I wanted to share my story to let that person, that someone know that they are not alone and that you can overcome it too. We are all God’s children and He loves each and everyone of us. God has an amazing plan for us all. And every part of our journey He will use for His glory, if we only let Him. Acceptance of self starts you on that journey.
Well, guys that is another part of my story that I share with you all, and I hope that my story helps someone else on their journey of accepting of themselves. Jeanine is someone who is wonderful, I AM WONDERFUL… And I own that…
I want to hear from you guys too, so share your story with me – Who are you?
Until next time remember that Life Is But A Journey…
Talk to you guys soon…