Blog Post

Mistakes

As this year ends and another year comes in I sit back and think about all of the mistakes that I have made in 2012. I am sitting back thinking about the opportunities that I have missed out on because of fear and uncertainty. God’s word tells us all not to be afraid, as long as we have faith as a muster seed we can move mountains; but I have to be honest with myself at the end of this year (because God already knows the true) I have been fearful and doubtful and that is the main reason why I am not where I thought I would be, that’s why I don’t have what I thought I would have by now. By now I thought I would be back in Mississippi practicing chiropractic in my own office, I thought I would have my dream home and car, I thought I would been changing the world with my education; I thought that I would have it all by now. But I don’t and the reason I don’t is because I have allowed fear to come into my life; I have allowed doubt to set into my mind which causes me not to move forward. And guys that is the biggest mistake that I have ever made. Instead of me allowing faith to truly guide me, and not just pretend to, I have allowed so many blessings to pass me by, and so many open doors to close in my face because of this mistake.

So, how can I change this and learn from this mistake? That is the question that I am asking myself today. How can I not beat myself up and lose hope? How can I go into the new year with hope and a fresh attitude, when all of the past years have been filled with failed attempts to move  forward? Well, if I have learned anything from successful people, they learn from their failures and they move forward. Most successful people embrace their failures because they feel like what can they learn from their successes.

I have always desired to be a successful person; someone that other people could look up to, but this year I feel like a total failure. And this is the first time that I have been totally honest with myself. However, there is one thing I do know, successful people never give up on their dreams no matter what. But how can I ensure that this year is a successful one and not a year filled with more failure?

Well, this is my end of the year story. I know someone out there knows how I feel and I know it’s someone out there that can give a word of advise. I encourage you all to look within yourself and reflect on your 2012 year. But before I end this I must say one thing, I was blessed to become a wife and mother, and that in its self is a huge success, but where I have failed is in my own personal hopes and dreams that I had for myself since I was a little girl. I know that in order for me to be a good wife and mother I must be true to myself.

I am going to continue to reflect on what I need to do to become that successful person that I desire to be and I hope you all to the same. Lets take to journey of becoming successful people together next year. Happy New Year to you all. Until next time…

Relationships: They All Take Work….

Merriam-Webster defines a relationship as the state of being related or interrelated; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealing; and a romantic or passionate attachment. And as I have grown I have learned that a relationship is exactly how it is defined. I have learned that as I get older relationship get more complicated and few.When I was in high school I had so many friends, and I had a few guys that was interested in me. But growing up I was a shy and quiet girl, until I joined the basketball team. When I started playing basketball it seemed like more people began to notice me, and I began to form more relationships. The more new relationships that I formed the more my older relationship were tested. This was my first experience with jealousy and I am still experiencing it today at the age of 34. But at my current age it seems like the experiences are getting harder and louder, and I still don’t know how to handle the situation. Maybe that is why I keep going through the same situation but with different relationships.


Being some one’s daughter and sister, a friend, a wife, a mother, a co-worker, and so on, changes as you grow and change. I thought that things would stay the same or get better as I grew up, but things just seem to get more complicated. When I was in high school I did not have to work so hard at a relationship, and now it seems like I have to work extra hard to let everyone in my life know that I care about them. But I must say that I have fewer friends and the one relationship that should be priority seems to be pushed to the side, and that is my relationship with God. Through everything that I have been through, every experience, God has always been there. God never changes, no mare how I change and grow; and for that I am so relived. He is the one thing, the only thing that has been constant and I have consistently pushed Him to the side. I am beginning to see that I must nourish the relationship between God, because it is that relationship that teaches me how to better for the other relationships, and how to let go of some relationships.

Because every relationship that you form takes work to grow it and to maintain, but if you focus on the one relationship that matters, the relationship between you and God, then the other relationship will all work out for your good. I really would like to hear about your experiences with relationships, so spill it. Until next time….

Grieving

The grieving process is something that never stops. It might get easier, but the process never stops. How do I know one may ask? Well, I am still grieving the death of my mother. Evia D. Spight died in 2004; week before her 61st birthday, and I am still going through the grieving process. I thought by now I would be done grieving, but it wasn’t until I had my son that I realized that the process never stops. I find myself going through different phases of grief. And the phase that I am currently in now is anger. I am very angry with my mother for not fighting harder to live.


The definition of grief is a deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement; it is a cause  of such suffering; or an unfortunate outcome. And believe me when I say I feel the definition of grief almost everyday, now. The first few weeks were very hard, but as time went on the pain of losing my mother eased some. But when I got married and my family, including my mother, was not there to see it hurt me and I was sad again and wondering why did my mother, my best friend have to died before she got to see me get married. Then the pain of her death arose again when I got pregnant, and again when I had my son, and again every time I look at my son.

I am not in the sad phase at this time, I am angry with her because she just gave up. Medically, I understood what was going on with her body and I was amazed at what she was going through because at that time I was learning about cancer and the damage it can cause to the patient’s body. But at the same time I was hoping that she would be okay and that she would fight harder to stay around, but she had enough of this world and gave up. And now I am here 8 years later still struggling to understand why, and still trying to make it from day to day without talking to my best friend. There are so many things that I want to say to her, and I wish that she could have been there when I got married, found out I was pregnant, and had my first child. I wish she could have gotten the chance to meet her grandson Lee, and her son-in-law Lee. But she didn’t get the chance to do any of it and that makes me so mad.

The reason for this blog is not to just share my story, but to also let you know that you are normal if you are still grieving someone or something. And to let you know that it is okay to feel those emotions. The one thing that I have learned through pray and attending church is that your emotions are ever changing and that you should not react to every emotion because chances are it will change soon. I have also learned that joy really comes in the morning, so just be patient because it really is a never ending process. Feel the emotion and let it go, and know that it is okay to have those feelings just know that they are ever changing. If you have a similar story please share. Until next time….

Lee’s First Night In His Bed

Well, it finally happened; my baby boy is now sleeping in his crib. How did it happen and when did it happen is what everyone will find out. And I also want to talk about how emotional I was, as I thought putting him in his crib would be easy for me; but it was not.

On Tuesday September 25, 2012 I put my baby boy in his crib, thinking that this will be good for me and my husband and that it will be good for Lee. How did this happen you might ask? Well, because of an incident that happened on Monday, I decided that it was time that I put Lee in his own room. I thought that he would cry, but he didn’t he just went to sleep. I also did not think that I would get emotional when I placed Lee in his crib for the first time, but I did.  Like I said, I really thought it would be easy to put him in his own room because after all it is his room and he belongs in his room. Well, I must say that moving Lee into his own room has been a good thing for me and my husband. My husband and I are closer than ever and I am very happy for that. Both of us are actually enjoying each other’s company and that feels great. So many people have told me not put the baby in the bed with me and my husband, but we did it anyway. And we both learned something from doing that, that we must value each other and respect each other; we should not take each other for granted we must always continue to acknowledge each other. So, in a way by allowing Lee to sleep with us my husband an I learned that teamwork, communication, and affection are very important to a relationship. But I can say that I did enjoy the months that Lee was sleeping in the room with us. I would find myself just looking a him ad thinking that he is a miracle and I am so thankful that the Lord gave him to us.

Moving Lee into his own room was very emotional for me. I didn’t think that I would want to cry, but I did. I wanted to cry because my little man is growing up and it is happening so fast. And now that Lee is sleeping in his own room, somehow it actually feels like I am a mother. I really don’t know how to explain it, because on June 7, 2012 I became a mother, but something clicked when I placed my little, precious baby boy in his crib for the very first time. I also felt a little helpless when I placed him in his crib. I began to think about all of the things that could happen to him and I would not be there to protect him. And then I got scared and I almost went to get him and bring him back into the room with me, but my husband made me see that he has to grow up and that we have to let him grow up. So, I then went to look at him in his crib and he was in a deep sleep and spread out in his bed and at that moment I was okay with the decision that I made and I went back to bed.

Well, that is my story and I would have never thought that putting my baby boy in his own room was bring up so many different emotions. Maybe if; you know what, forget maybe if because I am thankful for that experience and if I had to do it all over again I would probably do it the same way. So, my advise to you first time mothers is this; do what you need to do for you and your child. Do what makes you feel comfortable no matter what other people may say; and trust me people will say. Please share your story of when you placed your child in their crib for the very first time. Until next time….

Multitasking

How shall I began? Well, I guess I would have to say that being an adult is very tiresome, but try being a woman. As I get older I find myself multitasking(trying to handle so many things at one time), and lately it has become a challenge for me. The reason that I think that it has become a challenge for me is because I am a mother now and I want to spend as much time with my son as I can. He is growing so fast and I just want to make sure that I am present in every moment of his life. Even though I want to make sure that I am present for every moment of my son’s life, I also realize that I have to be a role model for him. That means that I have to find time to make my dreams come true, take care of myself, take care of my house, and make sure that I am a wife to my husband. On top of all that I listed I still have to work and be Lee’s mom, multitask.

While I am trying to be everything to everybody, and do what I have been called to do, I feel guilty because it takes time away from Lee. But I know that everything that I am doing I am doing to better Lee’s life. So, I guess I better learn how to be a better multitasker because Lee deserves to have the very best.

I guess what I am trying to say is that all women are multitaskers; we all have to make sure that we leave something for our children’s children. But I have noticed that when you multitask you don’t put all of your energy into the tasks, but you need all of your energy for your family. So, my question is how will I get it done and make sure that my family does not suffer but they thrive? How can I do and be everything that I need to do and be? How? Well, for right now I have to multitask, but I must fine a way to do better, because my family deserves better. My family deserves the best of me, my child deserves the best of me.



Becoming a wife

So, my question to all women (mother or not) is how can we do it and not lose ourselves? How is the question. Let me know that you think, and if you have any advice pleas share that too. Until next time…

Being a mom

Going Back To Work

Well, my little man is now 2 months old, almost 3 months, and I have gone back to work. And I must say that it was the hardest thing in the world for me to do. But I would have never thought it would be hard. To be honest, I thought that it would be easy. Okay, I just had a baby and now I it time for me to go back to work. But when I am at work I find myself thinking about my little man. When I actually have to leave the house, I look at my little man and I feel so bad; I feel like he is mad at me because I am leaving him. When I leave him I am almost in tears; and then I think about my mother and how strong she had to be for me and my sister when she was raising us and that seems to clam me down.

I know that I have to work, plus I want to work; but leaving my baby is hard. Even when I go to the store I feel guilty because I should be at home with my child making sure he is okay. So, this is a time I really need my mother for some advice on how to deal with what I am feeling. I know he is okay when I leave because I leave him with his father, but I still feel bad. I feel like I am going to miss something, and that he might not remember me when I come back. But what’s so amazing to me is that when I do come back Lee smiles so big and he snuggles up under me and everything is right in my world. This love, this love, is so incredible and emotional, but it is worth it.

I want to give props to my mother and every working mother out there, because even though you know what you are doing is the right thing for your child, it is also the hardest thing to do. If anyone has any advice on how I can handle my emotion please feel free to share. Maybe with time it will get easier, but so far it has gotten any easier. Until next time……

A Mother’s Love

I remember my mother telling me that no one will ever love me like she loves me, and that never made sense to me until I had me own child. A mother’s love is unexplainable, but I can say that it is an example of how God loves His children. When I look at my child I want to give him the world, I want to be the person he looks up to, and I want to be the person that he can come talk to about any and everything. Before I had Lee I only thought about myself. I only thought about what I could do to better myself or how could I get the latest whatever for myself. Now, I think how can I get Lee what he needs, and what can I do to make sure he has what he wants. All of my hopes, dreams, and desires have Lee in them. So, that means that what I do I do for my family. I know some people might ask, what about your husband, Lee’s father, do you love him still? And my answer would be yes, I love my husband very much. But the love I have for my husband and child are so different. But there is one thing about my love for my husband and child is the same, I want them to have, do, and be the best they can be. 

So, I go back to my first statement of my blog; no one will ever love me like my mother loves me; and now I get it. Because no one will ever love my son the way I love my son. A mother’s love is strong and hard. A mother’s love is deep and wide. A mother’s love is true and unconditional. A mother’s love is pure and bright. A mother’s love is something that you won’t understand until you become a mother.

I would like to hear what you think about a mother’s love. Below you will find some pictures of my little man. Until next time…..

Lee’s Day Out

Well, Lee got a chance to go out and see the world and I was so excited. Lee, baby Lee, and me went out for a walk in the park. I was so happy that we were going out as a family. I was also just happy to get out of the house. Both Lee and I have been in the house since he got home, so I was very happy to get out of the house. I also was excited to show Lee another part of the world, because he has seen his home and his room, I wanted him to see something else. While we were walking through the park I thought to myself, how lucky am I. God has truly blessed me with a beautiful family and I good assignment that allowed me to take time off to be with my baby. I must admit that went I found out that I was pregnant I thought about all of the things that I didn’t get a chance to finish, and how having a baby was going to slow me down in my career. But while I was walking, I looked at my family and I realized that having a family is a blessing from God. God gave me this family because He believes that I can take care of them, as well as take care of my other responsibilities that He has given me. I must also admit that I was so scared of what was to come, because I really did not know what was coming, but God has made a way for this family. And during our family walk I realized all of this. God is good all the time, and He is the one that make every dream possible. I love my family and I am so happy that God gave them to me. I pray everyday for the wisdom to take care of this family as well as my other responsibilities.

We took some pictures of our family adventure, so please take a look and let me know what you think.

Well, that’s my story thus far. I would like to hear yours. Tell me how having a baby has changed your life and give me a heads-up on what I can except in the future. Until next time….. 

Postpartum Changes

By now everyone knows that I have had a baby and that my baby is a month old. By now everyone has been made aware of how my labor went and how I handle it. I have received praise and congratulation from everyone. Now, I want to tell you all how having a baby has changed me.

 On Tuesday I was asked if I thought having a baby changed me and I couldn’t answer the question. I began to think to myself, changed me how; I am the same person I was before I had Lee. For some reason that question remained with me and I began to wonder, have I changed and if so how have I changed. So, have I changed? And the answer would be yes, I have changed. It’s obvious that my life has changed as far as sleeping like I use to, shopping like I use to, and going any where I wanted to go when ever I wanted t go. But how have I changed under the surface.

Emotionally, my heart made room to love someone else; so I am not as selfish as I was before I had Lee. I have began to place his needs first, and I though that it would not happen. For 32 years I only had to think about myself and now I have a little person that I have to think about and provide for. The shift in the way that I think is something that just happened; I really can’t tell you when the shift actually took place, but it did. I am also a little disconnected for my husband, family, and friends because I am all into Lee. So, my relationships have changed emotionally. I haven’t found that balance yet, and that can be very frustrating for everyone. Lastly, I have become more patience. I found myself taking more deep breathe and just saying to myself he is just a baby.

I am sure that I will continue to change over time, but for now these are some of the traits that I have noticed that have changed. I have conversed with alot of women and they all talked about the obvious changes that will happen, so I was ready for those changes; but I didn’t know that I would change as person so much. I still desire the same things I have always desired, but this world looks different to me now that I have become a parent. I can’t tell you when the transformation took place but it did. And if any of you out there are pregnant please be aware that you will transform too.

That’s my story so far,but I want to hear yours. Please inform me of how you may have changed after having your child, or give me a heads up on what to look forward to. Until next time…..

1 Month Old: July 7, 2012

Ready to go to Granddad’s House



Sitting Up Like a Big Boy…



Still Waiting to Leave

On July 7, 2012 Lee Arthur Smith, V was 1 month old, and his father and I were so excited about this milestone. Little man has began to smile a little, and make different facial expressions, and he has started to make different type of noises that just cracks me up. He has gotten bigger, heavier, and longer; but that just means that there is more for us to love. He has started trying to hold his head up and he loves to sit up like a big boy. He has changed so much and I am so happy that I have the chance to see him grow. He has gotten darker, and some of his features have started coming in. His personality is still forming, but one thing is for sure; he does not like anyone touching his hands and I think it is so cute. He is a little fighter, and he knows what he does and does not like. He is amazing and I am just in aw of him everyday.

I am looking forward to see how he grows in the months to come, and of course I will keep you guys updated. Until next time….