Category: love

I Knew Who I Was Until My Life Changed

There are some changes you prepare for, and then there are changes that divide your life into before and after.

Losing my mom was one of those changes for me. When she died, I wasn’t only grieving the loss of my mother. Somewhere underneath the sadness was a question I didn’t know how to answer: Who am I going to be without my mom?

I had known myself as her daughter my entire life. She had been part of my understanding of family, strength, and even myself. Then suddenly, she wasn’t physically here anymore, and life expected me to keep going.

That’s one of the hardest things about loss and change. The world keeps moving even when something inside you has stopped.

I kept moving too.

Eventually, I graduated from chiropractic school with my Doctor of Chiropractic degree. That should have been one of the happiest and proudest moments of my life. I had worked hard for that degree. I had accomplished something significant. But my mom wasn’t there. I remember wishing I could see her sitting in the audience. More than anything, I wanted to hear her say, “I’m proud of you.”

And because she wasn’t there, part of that moment felt pointless.

That’s messy to admit because earning my doctorate wasn’t pointless. I know that. But grief doesn’t always care about what makes sense. Sometimes you can accomplish something you worked years to achieve and still feel the emptiness of the person who isn’t there to see it.

I think that’s something we misunderstand about uncertainty. We usually think uncertainty means not knowing what’s going to happen next. But sometimes uncertainty is much more personal.

Sometimes uncertainty sounds like: “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

Maybe the relationship ended. Maybe the career that once made you feel successful no longer fulfills you. Maybe your business is growing, but you’re exhausted from carrying it. Maybe you’ve accomplished what you thought would make you happy, yet success hasn’t given you the peace you expected.

Or maybe you’re the person everyone depends on—the provider, the leader, the responsible one—and privately you’re wondering who you are when you’re not taking care of everybody else.

Uncertainty has a way of exposing what we’ve been depending on for security, the roles we’ve confused with our identity, how much control we thought we had, and sometimes even what we really believe about God.

After my mom died, uncertainty exposed something in me.

I believed I had to step into her shoes.

I thought I had to take on the responsibilities she left behind. I believed I had to be strong because she had been strong.

But underneath all of that was something even deeper.

I thought I had to become her.

I was grieving who I lost while believing I had to become who I lost.

At the time, I thought I was doing what needed to be done. I thought being strong meant carrying the responsibility, keeping things moving, and becoming the person I believed everyone needed me to be.

Maybe you know something about that.

Sometimes life changes, and before we’ve even had time to process what happened, we’re already creating rules about who we have to become because of it.

I have to be strong.

I have to figure this out.

I can’t let everybody down.

I have to keep succeeding.

I should trust God more than this.

After a while, those thoughts don’t simply describe what we’re going through. They start shaping who we believe we have to be.

Then something changes, the familiar answers disappear, and we’re left asking:

“Who am I now?”

I wish I could tell you that I figured that out shortly after my mom died.

I didn’t.

It took years.

Years before I understood that honoring my mother didn’t require me to become my mother.

My mother helped me become who I am, but God never asked me to become her.

God used my mom to help get me here, but He still had a plan for me. My mother loved me, influenced me, and helped shape the woman I became.

But God created me to become Jeanine.

And when my mother died, God didn’t leave with her.

That realization didn’t erase my grief. It didn’t make me stop wishing she had been sitting in that audience when I received my degree. It didn’t suddenly answer every question I had.

But it began changing the way I understood uncertainty.

I started realizing that not knowing what comes next doesn’t mean God has left. Losing someone or something that helped define your life doesn’t mean you’ve lost who you are. And having your life change doesn’t mean God’s plan for you disappeared with the life you used to know.

Hebrews 13:5 reminds us, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

I’ve had to learn what those words mean outside of the comfortable seasons.

Sometimes God’s presence doesn’t mean He prevents the loss.

Sometimes it means you discover that He is still there after the loss.

That changed my faith and how I understand identity.

The people we love, our relationships, careers, businesses, responsibilities, and accomplishments matter. But none of those things were designed to carry the full weight of telling us who we are.

Because life changes.

And sometimes the life we were certain we would have becomes a life we have to grieve.

That’s when the deeper work begins.

Instead of only asking, “What’s going to happen next?” I’ve learned that sometimes we need to ask:

“Who am I believing I have to become because my life changed?”

Maybe you’ve decided you have to become harder because someone hurt you. Maybe you believe you have to do everything yourself because someone left. Maybe you can’t slow down because people depend on you. Maybe you’ve decided starting over means you failed.

Those beliefs can quietly follow us into the next chapter of our lives.

Then there’s another question:

“Who is God asking me to become now?”

Not who does everybody else need you to be. Not who were you before everything changed. Not who do you think you should be by now.

Who are you becoming?

I’m still learning the answer to that question.

There are still times when uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. There are still moments when I’d rather know exactly what God is doing than trust Him without an explanation.

And I still wish my mom had been sitting in that audience.

I wish I could have seen her face.

I wish I could have heard her say, “I’m proud of you.”

Becoming who God created me to be doesn’t require me to pretend I don’t still want those things. Growth hasn’t erased my grief. I don’t think it’s supposed to.

But grief no longer tells me I have to become my mother in order to carry forward what she gave me.

My mother helped me become who I am, but God never asked me to become her.

God used her to help get me here. And when her part of my journey ended in a way I never wanted it to, God didn’t stop writing mine.

He was still there.

And He was still helping me become Jeanine.

My Traveling Friend, maybe your uncertainty isn’t only about what’s going to happen next. Maybe underneath everything that’s changing is a quieter question:

“Who am I going to be now?”

You don’t have to rush to answer it.

Maybe this season is inviting you to become aware of what you’ve been believing about yourself, acknowledge what you’ve lost, process what the change has brought up, accept what you cannot change, and begin taking intentional action toward the person God created you to be.

That’s the kind of deeper work we do inside the Confidence Mindset Program. I help individuals feel sure of themselves and live on purpose by teaching them how to change the way they think and partner with God to create the life they truly desire.

If uncertainty has left you questioning who you are, where you’re going, or who you’re becoming, schedule a consultation call at www.lifeisbutajourney.com to learn more about the Confidence Mindset Program.

You may not know exactly who you’ll be on the other side of this season.

I didn’t either.

But I’ve learned that when life changes, God doesn’t stop being God, and you don’t have to become someone else to survive what changed.

Sometimes uncertainty is where the familiar answers disappear, and you begin discovering who you are underneath them.

And sometimes it’s where you realize God was never asking you to replace what you lost.

He was still calling you to become who He created you to be.

Until next time, remember to Live Confidently on Purpose.

You Are Chosen by God—Created With Purpose, Called With Intention

Being chosen by God is one of the most powerful truths you can ever accept about yourself. God didn’t create you randomly or accidentally; He created you intentionally and assigned purpose to your life before you ever took your first breath. You were chosen for specific work, specific impact, and a specific journey. But even though this truth is written all throughout Scripture, many people struggle to believe they were chosen by God because their life story doesn’t look “perfect,” or because they feel ordinary, flawed, or not special enough.

A big reason people doubt that they were chosen by God is because life experiences convince them otherwise. Some grew up hearing hurtful words. Others struggled through rejection, shame, or failure. Some compare themselves to others and think their gifts don’t measure up. And many believe the limiting thought: “I don’t matter that much to God.” This mindset creates distance between who they think they are and who God says they actually are.

When someone doesn’t believe they are chosen by God, certain behaviors start showing up without them even realizing it. First, they shrink back and play small, saying “no” to opportunities God opened because they feel unqualified. Second, they overwork or overgive, hoping to earn value God already gave them. Third, they seek constant approval, trying to be who others want instead of who God created. These behaviors drain confidence, joy, and purpose, and they block people from stepping into the very calling God designed for them.

You can begin shifting this today. One powerful step is to speak God’s truth over yourself daily. Replace negative thoughts with God’s promises. Ephesians 1:4 tells us, “For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world…” Yes — before the world began, God already knew you. He already called you. He already chose you. And just as important, God doesn’t expect you to walk this journey alone. He places the right people around you at the right time to support you, guide you, and help you grow into the person He designed you to be.

Applying today’s lesson is a strong first step toward believing you are truly chosen by God. But real transformation happens when you decide to invest in the change you want to see. Every month, people spend the same amount on things that bring quick comfort but no lasting growth—gym memberships they barely use, takeout meals that only help in the moment, and streaming subscriptions that keep them distracted but not fulfilled. None of these things will give you the confidence, peace, or purpose you’ve been praying for.

Or… you can invest in a program that transforms you from the inside out.
Schedule your consultation call at www.lifeisbutajourney.com to work with me inside the Confidence Mindset Program, where real and lasting growth begins. I help people feel sure of themselves and live on purpose by teaching them how to change the way they think and partner with God to build the life they truly want. When you invest in your mindset, identity, and spiritual alignment, you don’t just change temporarily—you become the confident, chosen, and purpose-driven person God designed you to be. And this time, your transformation will last.

Stop Trying to Be a Clone—God Didn’t Use a Copy-Paste Button!

Being the right way to be means living as the person God created you to be, not as someone you think you should be. When you try to be someone else, you miss out on the amazing qualities that make you unique. Embracing your true self and practicing acceptance of self lets your inner light shine.

Too often, I believed I had to fit into a specific mold so others would like me. I struggled with this limiting belief, thinking that changing who I was would help me be accepted. This idea stopped me from really living life because it forced me to hide my true self instead of celebrating it. It’s a common thought that if you adjust your personality or hide parts of yourself, you’ll be accepted. But trying to fit into someone else’s idea of perfection only stops you from growing and being happy. Learning to love yourself exactly as you are makes life more fun and full of possibilities.

One thing you can start doing today is to jot down three things you love about yourself every morning. This practice helps you see the beauty in who you are and builds real confidence from within. If you’re ready to feel good in the skin you’re in and want more guidance, schedule a consultation call to work with me in the Confidence Mindset Program. Let’s unlock your true potential together!

Until Next Time Remember That Life Is But A Journey…

My Weight Lost Journey: A Date With Myself

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Hey guys… I know, long time no hear from and I know that you all have been waiting for my updates. Well, I have a lot to share with you all and I hope my journey will help you on your journey. So, as you probably can tell from the title, I went on a date with myself. I know a lot of people would say why would you want to go on a date by your self? And my response to that question is-if I can’t be alone with myself how can I except someone else to be with me? Continue reading “My Weight Lost Journey: A Date With Myself”

My Weight Loss Journey: Day 252

During the holiday season we are suppose to be happy and joyous. This is the time of the year when families come together to eat, give present to each other, be thankful for each other, and just plain old love on each other. Well, at least that is what the media tells us that we should be doing. But my question is, how do you do all of this and still stay on track with your weight lost plans? Great question, and I have been asking myself that question every day of this month thus far.



So, let me start by saying that I have gain almost 1lb (0.6lbs), and I am soooooo disappointed with myself. I know what some of you are thinking, come on it is not even a pound. But for someone that has been on this journey for years 0.6lbs up is a big thing, because that could start a downward spiral and cause a person to collapse and just gain all the weight back.

Now, I am not saying that is what has happened but I am saying that it has caused me to lose some focus. So, being who I am I began to question why am I losing focus now? And I think it is because of the holiday season. This was the time when I would go home and lay under my family (my mother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.), but I haven’t been home in years. And the reason that I have not been home in years is because my mother, my best friend in this whole world, is no longer here in the flesh with me. I grieve her every day, and it gets worst during the holiday season. During this time of the year I just fell alone and lost. And all I want to do is eat. So, I do and I feel better for a moment but that moment quickly goes away. So, instead of me doing what I would normally do I decided to search within myself for the answer.   And this week I have really been trying to listen to my body and hear what it is trying to tell me, and what I believe that I am hearing is that I still miss my mother. I miss her and it is having an affect on my weight loss journey.


Don’t be fooled to think that grieve for something or someone will not affect you in your life, because you would be lying to yourself. Like I stated in my previous post about grieving, it never truly goes away. It will get better, and you will be able to deal with it but it will also affect you. And when we all recognized that and accept it we can grow from what the grieve has to teach us. I am not happy that my mother, my best friend, had to leave me so soon. But what I am thankful for is that I have the opportunity to have a mother that loved me unconditionally. She was proud of me even when I made mistakes. She was my biggest supporter and my toughest critique. But I knew and know she loved me no matter what.


Yes, I am disappointed that the scale went up instead of down, but I am not going to quit and throw in the towel on this journey. My mommy would not like that, she would say the winners never quit and quitter never win; so which one are you. She would also say that she is proud of me for even attempting to lose weight, to acknowledge that I have a weakness for cakes and cookies, sweets in general because most people would lie to themselves and continue to do what they have been doing.


I ask my self that question everyday, which one am I? So, now I am asking you; which one are you? There are something in this life that we must fight for, and right now I am fight to lose weight; which will lead to something bigger. Which one are you? And what are you fighting for? I am up now but I will be down, and I will reach my weight lost goal…..


Please share your own personal stories of lost and triumph. Until next time…


 

My Motherhood Journey

June 7, 2012 I joined a sisterhood that no one can even understand until they join the club, the sisterhood of being a mother. After I became a mother a remembered that my mother would always say, you will understand what I mean when you become a mother, and I must say I truly understand everything she has ever told me.  God gave me to opportunity to be a mother to the world’s most precious gem, a black man child. The African American male is the world’s most feared, but most powerful human being that God has placed on this earth and the sad thing about the whole thing is that he does not know his potential. So, now I am on this wonder, amazing journey of being a mother to my son and I am thankful, joyous, and very concerned about my child’s future.

 Some may be wondering how did this all come about, and I must say that I have always wanted to speak about  being a mother, as it is so amazing, but after hearing the verdict against George Zimmerman a few weeks ago, I just had to get some of my thoughts out. The night when George Zimmerman was found not guilt of all counts against him in the murder of Trayvon Martin really showed me that history is now but just being presented in a different form and that something has to be done, but what.  I was up late just looking at the walls and the ceiling trying to figure out what can I do to help to create change in this world for my son, what can I do to make sure that he will have a chance to become the person God wants him to become, what can I do to make sure that this does not happen again, what can I do? And while I was thinking about what I could do Lee, my son, woke up and I had to go see what was wrong with him. After I got him to go back to sleep, I began to realize that changing the world starts in my house by teaching my son to honor and respect himself.  Changing the world starts with me being a parent, with me being his mother.
We (African-Americans) have to realize that we have to continue telling the stories of our ancestors so future generations don’t forget what happen, but we also have to teach our child to be better than we were. The only way to change the world is to change ourselves. We have to think differently and be smart in order for the world to think differently about the African-American race. Even though a lot of African-Americans think they don’t represent each other, when I reality we do and we owe it to our ancestor to keep moving forward to make sure this world changes for the better of every American.
So, my motherhood journey has began. And I have realized that I must set rules in place for my son now in order for him to be a respectable, strong, intelligent, honorable African-American man. Well, that’s all for now but I will keep you all update about my motherhood journey. In the mean time you all can share some of your motherhood stories. Until next time…

Relationships: They All Take Work….

Merriam-Webster defines a relationship as the state of being related or interrelated; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealing; and a romantic or passionate attachment. And as I have grown I have learned that a relationship is exactly how it is defined. I have learned that as I get older relationship get more complicated and few.When I was in high school I had so many friends, and I had a few guys that was interested in me. But growing up I was a shy and quiet girl, until I joined the basketball team. When I started playing basketball it seemed like more people began to notice me, and I began to form more relationships. The more new relationships that I formed the more my older relationship were tested. This was my first experience with jealousy and I am still experiencing it today at the age of 34. But at my current age it seems like the experiences are getting harder and louder, and I still don’t know how to handle the situation. Maybe that is why I keep going through the same situation but with different relationships.


Being some one’s daughter and sister, a friend, a wife, a mother, a co-worker, and so on, changes as you grow and change. I thought that things would stay the same or get better as I grew up, but things just seem to get more complicated. When I was in high school I did not have to work so hard at a relationship, and now it seems like I have to work extra hard to let everyone in my life know that I care about them. But I must say that I have fewer friends and the one relationship that should be priority seems to be pushed to the side, and that is my relationship with God. Through everything that I have been through, every experience, God has always been there. God never changes, no mare how I change and grow; and for that I am so relived. He is the one thing, the only thing that has been constant and I have consistently pushed Him to the side. I am beginning to see that I must nourish the relationship between God, because it is that relationship that teaches me how to better for the other relationships, and how to let go of some relationships.

Because every relationship that you form takes work to grow it and to maintain, but if you focus on the one relationship that matters, the relationship between you and God, then the other relationship will all work out for your good. I really would like to hear about your experiences with relationships, so spill it. Until next time….

Grieving

The grieving process is something that never stops. It might get easier, but the process never stops. How do I know one may ask? Well, I am still grieving the death of my mother. Evia D. Spight died in 2004; week before her 61st birthday, and I am still going through the grieving process. I thought by now I would be done grieving, but it wasn’t until I had my son that I realized that the process never stops. I find myself going through different phases of grief. And the phase that I am currently in now is anger. I am very angry with my mother for not fighting harder to live.


The definition of grief is a deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement; it is a cause  of such suffering; or an unfortunate outcome. And believe me when I say I feel the definition of grief almost everyday, now. The first few weeks were very hard, but as time went on the pain of losing my mother eased some. But when I got married and my family, including my mother, was not there to see it hurt me and I was sad again and wondering why did my mother, my best friend have to died before she got to see me get married. Then the pain of her death arose again when I got pregnant, and again when I had my son, and again every time I look at my son.

I am not in the sad phase at this time, I am angry with her because she just gave up. Medically, I understood what was going on with her body and I was amazed at what she was going through because at that time I was learning about cancer and the damage it can cause to the patient’s body. But at the same time I was hoping that she would be okay and that she would fight harder to stay around, but she had enough of this world and gave up. And now I am here 8 years later still struggling to understand why, and still trying to make it from day to day without talking to my best friend. There are so many things that I want to say to her, and I wish that she could have been there when I got married, found out I was pregnant, and had my first child. I wish she could have gotten the chance to meet her grandson Lee, and her son-in-law Lee. But she didn’t get the chance to do any of it and that makes me so mad.

The reason for this blog is not to just share my story, but to also let you know that you are normal if you are still grieving someone or something. And to let you know that it is okay to feel those emotions. The one thing that I have learned through pray and attending church is that your emotions are ever changing and that you should not react to every emotion because chances are it will change soon. I have also learned that joy really comes in the morning, so just be patient because it really is a never ending process. Feel the emotion and let it go, and know that it is okay to have those feelings just know that they are ever changing. If you have a similar story please share. Until next time….