Blog Post

Well, I am back with another part of my story. If you have been following me so far then you know I am about the have my first baby. I am now 34 weeks pregnant and I am now going to the doctor’s office every 2 weeks. I got to my 3rd trimester really fast, and now it feels like it is slowing down. But in away I am happy about it slowing down and let me tell you why. My husband and I have attended the hospital orientation and the birthing class, and both of those events further tells me that this baby is coming and his or her arrival is right around the corner. Both my husband and myself start getting a little scared. Viewing the birthing room made it so very real, and I have start to wonder if I can really do this. Can I give birth to my first child naturally? The birthing class gave me a lot of information that will be very useful, but I am still wondering if I can give birth to my first child naturally.

Now I have even more questions about labor and giving birth. Like, will I be able to get my body back, or will I still be able to pursue my dreams and rise my child? How will labor really fell and I will I act during labor? I wonder how will my husband and I act with the baby? I have so many questions and concerns, so many what ifs, but the only way that my questions will be answered is by having a beautiful, health baby.

I am so excited about meeting my first child; getting to know his or her personality. Seeing who he or she takes after. Yet, more questions. If you think you can help answer some of these questions, please feel free to chime in. Until next time…….

So, how should I begin? Well, I will start by saying that I am now 27 weeks pregenant and my little one has been moving around a lot; and I must say I am sooooo happy to feel  the movement. Also, I have noticed that what I used to eat I don’t like anymore so I can’t eat it. And if you know me you know that I eat very weird but now I am eating very normal. Pregnancy is really life changing, and the stuff they show on television is so far off. Pregnancy is not an easy event that women go through and at the end of 9 months a baby comes out; there are so many little things that change on a woman. For example, did you know that while pregnant some women get nose bleeds and that is because of the extra blood that the woman is prodcuing for the baby. That is something that is not shown or discussed on tv. And how about the hip pain and the minor cramping that happens because of the growing baby. Or how about how hard it is to put your clothes and shoes on every day. These are just some of the little annoyances that comes with pregnancy and that women don’t really disucss.

However, on the upside, I have the chance to bring another person into this world. I have the opportunity to feel something growing inside of me. I talk to my baby all the time, and I try to imgine what my baby looks like, and who will the baby act most like. I am also still trying tho focus on my dreams too. I am still planning on doing all the things that the Lord has called me to do; but now I will have another side kick with me (my baby).

Well, that’s all I have for today. I am very blessed to have the opportunitiy to become a mom. I must admit I am a little nervous about because being a parent is a hugh responsiblity. So, if you guys have any advice I am all ears. Until next time……..

I am back and I have some news for you. What’s the news, you ask? Well, I am pregnant but you probably guess that from the title. I am now 15 weeks pregnant, and I still can’t believe that I am pregnant. It all happened so fast, and if you know me you know that I like to plan everything out. So, when my husband began to talk about starting a family, I suggested that we wait until January 2012 to actually start trying to have a baby. However, my husband had a very different plan and waiting was not part of his plan. So, in September I found out I was pregnant, and I cried ,and cried, and cried because that was not my plan and because I haven’t accomplished the goals I wanted to accomplish before I started a family. On the upside, my family, his family, and our friends were so happy for us. And when Lee found out that I was pregnant, he wanted to tell the whole world because he was so happy, and that made me happy.

Now that I am progressing through my pregnancy, I have began watching TV shows like, “A Baby Story”, “16 and Pregnant”, and “Teen Mom”. And what I have seen is that every pregnancy is very different, but I already knew that. I have also seen that many of the teen moms have to put their dreams on hold in order to be a mom, and that is what I don’t want to happen to me. I have so big dreams, and it seems like they are being put on the back burner because of life. But then I remember what God’s word tell me, I can do all things through Christ that strengthen me, and I regain my focus. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy that the Lord has blessed me and allowed me to even get pregnant, because their are so many women out there that  cannot get pregnant. But these dreams and desires were given to me by God too, and He gave me these dreams and desires long before I ever thought about marriage and family.

Well, so far these are some of my frustration and concerns about being pregnant and becoming a mother. I will keep you all updated on my progress, and if you have any advise please chime in. Until we meet again…..

Long time no hear from: I know that is what everyone has been thinking. Well, I have been a little busy with life and I know everyone can atest to that. But lately I have been finding myself comparing myself to my friends, and to other people that have what I think I want. So, some might ask how did this feeling coming about? The feeling came about after I began to see the plans I had for my life just go out of the window and I began to see other people living their dreams. I began to feel like a failure, like I have let my mother and my family down. Well, some might ask what were your plans for your life?  Well, I think I should start at the beginning of how my plans for my life came about.

At the age of 13 or 14 I began to look around me and I began to tell myself that I did not want to be like my mother, and that I wanted to show the people in Mississippi that you could do more than just work in a factory or at Wal-Mart. So, my plan was always to become finically stable, to ensure that my child or children have better than I did. I did not know how I was going to do that, but I always knew that my mind would take me far. So, I ended up graduating from undergrad with a BS in Biology an I went on to Life University to study Chiropractic. I meet so many different people and I was not sure what I wanted to do; do I want to work for someone or do I want my own clinic. When I began to hear that you will never make the kind of money that you are worth working for someone, that was something that was told to me by my mother but I believe that was a message send by God. I graduated from chiropractic school with my DC degree and hope. The next challenge that I faced were my boards. while all my classmates passed their board exams successfully and become licensed chiropractic I was just stuck. In the meantime, I have gotten a married and now I am 12 weeks pregnant with my first child, but still no licenses and I feel like my plans are slipping away.My plan was to always have my business first and then focus on my family, but it seems to be going into the opposite direction. And now I have begun looking at other people and I have started comparing my life to their lives. I know that I am very blessed and that the Lord is continuing to increase me, but I just wonder if I will ever accomplish the dreams that I dreamed when I was a young girl. I continue to remind myself that my journey is my journey and that the Lord has a plan for me, but I just sometime wonder when will I pass all of my board exams, open my clinic, fulfill my dreams.

If you feel the same way or if you have some advise for me chime in, as I wold love to hear what you all have to say.

Have you were watched Behind the Music on VH1? Well, the show actually discusses different music superstars. It shows what that superstar went through while producing wonderful music. Some of the people were molested as a child, on drugs while creating good music, or something horrible was happening to them while they were on the rise to stardom. So, I began to think about my life and how I am on my own journey to achieve my goals and dreams. I also felt like if those superstars could go through what they went through and they still made it, then I should be able to do it to. But I also realized that each person, at some point in time, came to grips with their demons and decided to let it go and move forward. Some of them changed for the better and some of them remained in the same place, but they all came to grips with their demons. By coming to grips with the things that they were ashamed of they were free to forgive themselves or others, but it also opened up their hearts to receive what the world has to offer them.

So, I began to think about what is behind my music (journey)? What demons am I holding on to because I am ashamed or because I just feel like I have to hold on to them? And there is one big demon (stronghold) that I have been holding on too, one demon that has been causing me to question if I deserve what God has in store for me and my family. So, what’s behind my music is the fact that I had an abortion 3 years ago. Some might say why did I do that and other might understand, but the reality of it all is that I made the choice to abort a pregnant because I did not feel that I was ready for a child. During that time me and my boyfriend, now husband, where fighting all the time and I thought that we were going to break up. How could I have a baby with someone that might not be in my life forever? I am a product of a single parent family, and it was hard growing up with just a mom. Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother because she raised me and took care of me. But I have always missed that father daughter connection. I have always felt like I wasn’t good enough because my daddy did not want me and I did not a child of mine to ever feel like that. So, me and Lee talked bout it and we both decided that the best thing for us to do would be to have an abortion.

The count down to my big day continues. On Day 6 I just really tied up some loose ends. I got all of my make-up and I picked up my items from Things Remembered.  it took me almost an hour and a half to pick out make-up. Oh my God, I am so not a girly-girl. I remember in college how I was able to just pick out stuff like that and not be worried about how it will look. I am actually worried about how I am going to look with make-up on. Am I going to look natural, as that is the look I am going for, or will I look like a clown.

 I am still not as excited as I thought I would be, and people keep asking me if I am excited or nervous. Should I be nervous, and how excited should I be? Being that I have never done this before how excited should I be is the question that I am seeking an answer to. Am I weird because I am just like whatever about the whole thing? Don’t get me wrong I love Lee, and he makes me want to be better and do better; I just  don’t get why I should be nervous.

Well, let’s see what happens in the days to come. I am very blessed to have someone that loves me so much that they want to spend the rest of their life with me. Until next time, I’ll holla.

Day 8 was an interesting day. Another one of my coworkers found out that I am getting married, and she was very surprised. This coworker is a lady that is from the old school, so the next comment she made to me was; “I believe in  death do us part so if I get you a wedding gift I don’t want you to return it to me.” I started laughing, and then she told me that I better learn how to cook for that man. Then I told her that my mother was no longer living, so I will not be able to get her recipes. I then told her that I can get the recipes from my cousin. She then told me that I better get on that.

Then on my way home I was listening to Jamie Fox’s song, I Wish You Were Here. I then started to think about all of the things my mother has missed: my graduation from chiropractic school, my graduation from Joseph Business School, and now my wedding ceremony. I then got sad because I realized that she has missed and will miss every important part of my adult life. Maybe that is way I am not that excited about this milestone because me very best friend will not be here to see it. I miss her so much, that sometimes I think that I just don’t do stuff because I miss her. I really do miss her and I really wish she was here.

That was day 8, so let me know what you think. Until next time, I am out.

I didn’t take the watch from my co-worker because it didn’t fit around my wrist. So, at Day 9 I am still looking for something borrowed and new. I am also amazed that someone wants to marry me. I think that it is awesome and amazing that God made me for Lee and Lee for me. You know that old saying, that there is someone for everyone, well that statement is true. Because there is someone for us all; we just have to be patient. We also have to learn how to truly love ourselves.  God loves both of us (Lee and myself) so much that He made us for each other. As the day gets closer, I am realizing that I will soon be a wife. I will soon have a partner for life.

But as nice as that sounds, I am wondering if it is normal to be scared? Let me hear what you have to say as I continue to count down to the big day.