So, let me start by saying that I have gain almost 1lb (0.6lbs), and I am soooooo disappointed with myself. I know what some of you are thinking, come on it is not even a pound. But for someone that has been on this journey for years 0.6lbs up is a big thing, because that could start a downward spiral and cause a person to collapse and just gain all the weight back.
Now, I am not saying that is what has happened but I am saying that it has caused me to lose some focus. So, being who I am I began to question why am I losing focus now? And I think it is because of the holiday season. This was the time when I would go home and lay under my family (my mother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.), but I haven’t been home in years. And the reason that I have not been home in years is because my mother, my best friend in this whole world, is no longer here in the flesh with me. I grieve her every day, and it gets worst during the holiday season. During this time of the year I just fell alone and lost. And all I want to do is eat. So, I do and I feel better for a moment but that moment quickly goes away. So, instead of me doing what I would normally do I decided to search within myself for the answer. And this week I have really been trying to listen to my body and hear what it is trying to tell me, and what I believe that I am hearing is that I still miss my mother. I miss her and it is having an affect on my weight loss journey.
Don’t be fooled to think that grieve for something or someone will not affect you in your life, because you would be lying to yourself. Like I stated in my previous post about grieving, it never truly goes away. It will get better, and you will be able to deal with it but it will also affect you. And when we all recognized that and accept it we can grow from what the grieve has to teach us. I am not happy that my mother, my best friend, had to leave me so soon. But what I am thankful for is that I have the opportunity to have a mother that loved me unconditionally. She was proud of me even when I made mistakes. She was my biggest supporter and my toughest critique. But I knew and know she loved me no matter what.
Yes, I am disappointed that the scale went up instead of down, but I am not going to quit and throw in the towel on this journey. My mommy would not like that, she would say the winners never quit and quitter never win; so which one are you. She would also say that she is proud of me for even attempting to lose weight, to acknowledge that I have a weakness for cakes and cookies, sweets in general because most people would lie to themselves and continue to do what they have been doing.
I ask my self that question everyday, which one am I? So, now I am asking you; which one are you? There are something in this life that we must fight for, and right now I am fight to lose weight; which will lead to something bigger. Which one are you? And what are you fighting for? I am up now but I will be down, and I will reach my weight lost goal…..
Please share your own personal stories of lost and triumph. Until next time…
