Hi My Traveling Friends…
I know that it has been a while since we have talked, and since I have talked about my weight lost journey. Most of you may be thinking that I have it all figured out because I haven’t spoke about this part of my journey. But the truth is my friends, I am just scratching the surface when it comes to my weight lost journey. But I always promised you guys that I would tell you the truth even if it was not pretty, and the truth is this year I had a light bulb moment concerning my weight –
As I began to heal the broken places within myself (losing emotional weight) I have started to lose physical weight.
I have tried every weight lost diet out there, Weight Watcher’s, Atkins, and just plain old sheer will power. But in the end the weight remained and I grew even more frustrated with myself. However, I saw so many people losing 100’s of pounds, and they where doing it the natural way, that I would tell myself that it can be done, and that it can be done be me too.
So, when the COVID-19 pandemic started I told myself that I must remain active, and that I will workout 5 days a week. And I did just that, I worked out 5 days a week. But even though I was working out 5 days a week, I was still overeating and eating late at night. And we all knows that I was not overeating veggies, right? And then one night I started to question my actions. I started asking myself why was I doing this – over-eat/binge eat – feel shame – workout – and start all over again. I gave myself permission to know the truth about my behavior no matter how ugly it sound or how badly it hurt. And I also asked the Holy Spirit for guidance and strength as the truth was being revealed to me. I discovered that I believed that I could not lose weight because I was told when I was younger that I was big boned and that is why I was over weight. What does that even mean, big-boned? But this was something that I was told over and over and over again by people that I loved and trusted.
But I keep working out and I did something that no other diet out there does; I began to tackled my beliefs about weight and weight lost. I began to become aware, acknowledge, process, accept and act. Why, how, what, cry, and question it all.
Then, on May 27, 2021 I did something that I have been dreading. I stepped on the scale to see if I had lost any weight. To my surprise I did lose weight, I lost 9lbs. And in that very moment, on the scale, I felt two very strong emotions – excitement and disappointment. The thought that was attached to the feeling of excitement was YES, I lost weight and then the thought that came into my mind immediately was yeah but you should have lost more. Disappointment took over.
Because I felt disappointed I just wanted to eat a cookie, I wanted to eat a whole row of cookies. Instead of eating a cookie I did something that I have NEVER DONE before – I paused and questioned that thought. I had been training myself for months so it seemed automatic – I questioned my thoughts because I have learned that thoughts are just thoughts, and they mean nothing until I give them meaning. In that moment I realized that my brain was attempting to make sure that I was right to believe that I can’t lose weight. Because this is what I have always believed, so that is what I exactly what I was creating.
Now with all of this awareness I have about my brain, and understanding how it was only trying to KEEP ME SAFE, I made a different choice. Instead of me eating an entire row of cookies, and guys believe me when I say that the urge was so strong because disappointment was heavy on me, I chose to go to the gym just like I planned on doing. And in that moment, while still feeling disappointment, I also started to feel very strong and in control of my life.
Okay my traveling friends I know you all are wondering how did I get to this place of pausing and questioning my thoughts instead of giving in to my urges, and it was during my time training to becoming a life coach that I was introduced to a process that I call the Phases of Transformation.
What are the Phases of Transformation and how did they help me to lose weight? And I believe that if you apply them to your life they will help you to lose weight too…
Phase 1 is Awareness. And during this phase you become aware of things that need to be changed or embraced. I became aware that my purpose in life requires me to be around for a long time, and it requires a lot of energy. But I also became aware that I am holding on to a lot of hurt that I need to let go of. I am blaming myself for a lot of stuff that was and is out of my control. I became aware that I was constantly beating myself up for not being perfect. And for a long time I was not showing myself compassion and grace.
Phase 2 is Acknowledgement. During this phase you acknowledge the thing or things you need to change or embrace – basically you call a thing a thing (say it out loud). So, I had to say out loud just how mean I was to myself, and that my life mattered even though I was not behaving as such. So many emotions rose up in me during the acknowledgment phase, and this leads me into phase 3 – processing.
Phase 3 is Process. In this phase you mentally go through a series steps that will help you understand the why of it all. I sat back and questioned why was I beating myself up for not being perfect, and where did all of the hurt that I was carrying come from, and why was I holding on to it. Now, when I started my transformation – my healing journey – Phase 3 took me a while because I hadn’t built up my mental strength to handle all of the emotions that I had been refusing to feel. I was just allowing my mind to run free and wild. But with more practice I am able to gain understanding of certain things a little faster. Even though I am able to process my emotions a little faster, this process can still be quite long and difficult for me. But when I give myself permission to go through what I need to go through in order to grow and understand myself and my behaviors, then my processing phase is much smoother.
Phase 4 is Acceptance. In this phase you fully acceptance what you have done, and why you are doing the thing that is holding you back. In my case what I had to accept was that I overeat late at night, and that I was overeating because I did not believe that I could lose a serious amount of weight and that made me feel like a failure. Feeling like a failure made me want to eat and eat and eat. The eating made me feel better, but it also validated my thought, that I could not lose a serious amount of weight. Once I fully accepted that I am the one overeating because I don’t want to feel a vibration in my body, now I am ready to take action. Which brings me to phase 5 – Action.
Phase 5 is Action. And guys, this is the phase where you decide to act and then you take action. The action that I decide to take was to feel my feelings, name my feelings, and question my feelings. I have become more aware of when I am experiencing a feeling in my body versus when I am hungry in my body, and that enables me to ask myself better questions about why I am feeling what I am feeling.
For so many years I have cut out different types foods, and restricted myself from simply enjoying the taste of food all in an effort to lose weight. I never really thought that my feelings could be weighing my down and that weight could be causing me to gain weight.
Guys, our bodies is trying to talk to us every single day but most of the time we don’t want to hear what it has to say so we deny, refuse, of buffer. But guess what, the message does not go away, it will only get louder and more damage will be caused. It is easier to deny, refuse, or buffer or feelings instead of dealing with the message that is coming forth. Guys, let’s start losing the weight so we can lose weight.
Until next time remember that Life Is But A Journey…