Category: frustration

My Weight Lost Journey: Day 422-1 year and 57 days

I have been on my weight lost journey for little over 1 year now, and I must say there have been a lot of ups and downs, and some eye opening moments. And all of the ups and downs and eye opening moments have helped me to begin to understand and love my body. So, of course I have to share some of the frustrations that I have encountered while on this journey, because I don’t want people to believe that it is an easy journey I want to be real with everyone that reads my blog.

Soooooo, I will start from day 1; the day I made the decision to walk into Weight Watchers and start the journey. I was so depressed and I knew I needed to change my lifestyle but all I heard (in my mind) was that it was not going to work and this would be a waste of my money. But I walked into the meeting and began my journey. A month into the journey the weight was just coming off with little activity, I was just doing what I was told to do. But as the days turned into months it began to get harder for the weight to come off, and I could not figure out why. I start working out more, but I also began to go over on my allotted points and guess what, the weight began to come back. So, I began to get mad at myself (because I was over eating) and I was mad at the program because I did not think it was working. But I continue to go to the meetings and track what I was eating. While I was tracking I began to notice that I was a late night snacker and that I had to get that under control if I was going to continue to lose weight. I cut  out certain foods and I worked out 6 days a week, and still  I was gaining weight. As the weight continue to come back, in spite of what I was doing, I began to get more frustrated. But I continued to go to the meetings and track what I was eating, in spite of my frustrations. And then one day I woke up (mentally) and made the decision to stop snacking at night. Once I made that decision I began to see it on the scale, but I don’t get too excited because I have learned that I need to stay focus on the overall goal and not just the short term goal that was accomplished. Now some of you may say that I should celebrate, but the reason why I don’t do it too big when a short term goal is met is because I go over board with it and then the achieved goal is null and void because I gained the weight back. Let me try to explain what I mean about me going over board.

I have learned, while on this journey, that I really can’t just eat whatever I want when I want because I will gain weight. Which is so frustrating because I want to be able to eat a cheese burger and ice cream (regular ice cream) and not gain weight. But during this journey when I have met a goal weight that I set for myself I would get soooo happy and tell myself that it is okay to have the ice cream and cookies (but I would have 2 bowels instead of 1 bowel) and then I would get weighted in at Weight Watchers and I would up a 1 lb or 3 lbs, and shame, angry, and frustration would come-then negative mind talk would happen-then the cycle would continue. See-overboard….

Losing weight can be sooooo frustrating because there are ups and downs, and at times there can be more downs then ups but you have to make up in your mind to continue to make the right choices (working out, being active, and making health food choices) and the weight will come off. But during the tough times( the downs) you have to be able to motive yourself, so I would suggest finding some positive quotes and putting them up where you will be sure the see them, and look at them daily. My faith in God kept me moving forward (staying active, working out 6 days a week, being mindful of what I eat) during the time when the weight was coming back. I am not out of the woods yet, but I have gain more clarity on why I ended up over weight in the first place and I am willing to work through them to reach my weight lost goal. Until next time…..

My Truth About Breast Feeding

Breast feeding is the nature way of feeding your child, and many women don’t get the opportunity to breast feed their child. I was so fortunate that I was able to breast feed my son, and I must say I enjoyed every minute of it. But I must say that I did not know how frustrating it can be when you are starting to breast feed; and no one told me that it would be so frustrating. This is my truth about breast feeding from the beginning to the end.

When I got pregnant I knew that I wanted to breast feed my child because I know how good it is for my child, and how it could help my body heal and bounce back. But I wondered if I could breast feed because my sister could not breast feed; and I could not remember if my mother was able to breast feed. So, needless to say, I was very concerned about breast feeding my child. During my pregnancy I constantly checked my breast to see if any milk was coming out, and there was nothing coming out. I began to get a little discouraged and I began to think about what I should do if I can’t breast feed. Even though I began to formulate a back up plan, I still wanted to try to breast feed my child. So, I began to talk to other women who where pregnant during the time I was pregnant about breast feeding. I would ask them if they were going to breast feed, and they all said yes; and then I asked if they had any milk coming out of their breast and so of them told me that their doctor told them that they probably would not see anything until their 9th month. So, I began to calm down a little bit and realized that every woman is different. I also discussed it with my midwife, and they told me to calm done and realize that every woman is different.

After Lee was born, I still didn’t see any milk coming out of my breast. And all of the doctors, nurses, and midwives told me that I had to keep trying because the only way to get the milk to come down is to let your baby suck it out. But it was so frustrating because I didn’t think anything was coming because Lee was still so hungry. So, after I would breast feed Lee the nursery nurse would give him a bottle and that made me even more frustrated. While I was in the hospital I had so many people telling me how to breast feed, and telling me to pump because that was the only way to get the milk down. I was told to do this about every hour or every other hour to point that it was beginning to get annoying. Even though it was beginning to get a little overwhelming, I continued to try because I want to make sure that Lee going those nutrients that he needed from my breasts milk.

Lee and I stayed in the hospital for 3 days after I gave birth to him, so when I was sent home I was told to pump and breast feed. My thought about the whole thing was if Lee was getting enough milk, if any milk, from my breast while we were in the hospital why should I continue to breast feed when I get home. But I still continued to breast feed Lee when I got home, and guess what, my milk came down. My breast got so hard and sore, but that Lee was sleep when this happened. So, I began to pump. During that time pumping felt so good, and I was soooooooo happy because my milk came down. I breast fed my son for 1 month and it felt so good. I was able to feed me son the way God intended for me to feed him. While he breast fed I would look into his eyes and I just felt very blessed. I can’t fully explain the feeling that you get while you breast feed your child, but it was a feeling that I was very blessed to feel and I was so happy that I could experience it.



Feeding Lee Arthur Smith,V
 To all the women out there who have a hard time breast feed my advice to yo would be to keep trying because it will come. And if you only breast feed for a short period, it is better than not doing it at all. Plus you bond with your child and that is a special bond that no one can change. I hope my story has helped someone and if you anyone has any advice for me concerning motherhood, please share. Until next time…..