Guys, I have so much to talk about that I don’t know where to start. So, I guess I should start at the beginning right? Right…. Well, guys I was laid off from my job of 11 years (Westwood College closed their doors). Continue reading “My Weight Lost Journey: 694 Days-1Year 362 Days”
Category: grief
My Weight Loss Journey: Day 252
During the holiday season we are suppose to be happy and joyous. This is the time of the year when families come together to eat, give present to each other, be thankful for each other, and just plain old love on each other. Well, at least that is what the media tells us that we should be doing. But my question is, how do you do all of this and still stay on track with your weight lost plans? Great question, and I have been asking myself that question every day of this month thus far.
So, let me start by saying that I have gain almost 1lb (0.6lbs), and I am soooooo disappointed with myself. I know what some of you are thinking, come on it is not even a pound. But for someone that has been on this journey for years 0.6lbs up is a big thing, because that could start a downward spiral and cause a person to collapse and just gain all the weight back.
Now, I am not saying that is what has happened but I am saying that it has caused me to lose some focus. So, being who I am I began to question why am I losing focus now? And I think it is because of the holiday season. This was the time when I would go home and lay under my family (my mother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.), but I haven’t been home in years. And the reason that I have not been home in years is because my mother, my best friend in this whole world, is no longer here in the flesh with me. I grieve her every day, and it gets worst during the holiday season. During this time of the year I just fell alone and lost. And all I want to do is eat. So, I do and I feel better for a moment but that moment quickly goes away. So, instead of me doing what I would normally do I decided to search within myself for the answer. And this week I have really been trying to listen to my body and hear what it is trying to tell me, and what I believe that I am hearing is that I still miss my mother. I miss her and it is having an affect on my weight loss journey.
Don’t be fooled to think that grieve for something or someone will not affect you in your life, because you would be lying to yourself. Like I stated in my previous post about grieving, it never truly goes away. It will get better, and you will be able to deal with it but it will also affect you. And when we all recognized that and accept it we can grow from what the grieve has to teach us. I am not happy that my mother, my best friend, had to leave me so soon. But what I am thankful for is that I have the opportunity to have a mother that loved me unconditionally. She was proud of me even when I made mistakes. She was my biggest supporter and my toughest critique. But I knew and know she loved me no matter what.
Yes, I am disappointed that the scale went up instead of down, but I am not going to quit and throw in the towel on this journey. My mommy would not like that, she would say the winners never quit and quitter never win; so which one are you. She would also say that she is proud of me for even attempting to lose weight, to acknowledge that I have a weakness for cakes and cookies, sweets in general because most people would lie to themselves and continue to do what they have been doing.
I ask my self that question everyday, which one am I? So, now I am asking you; which one are you? There are something in this life that we must fight for, and right now I am fight to lose weight; which will lead to something bigger. Which one are you? And what are you fighting for? I am up now but I will be down, and I will reach my weight lost goal…..
Please share your own personal stories of lost and triumph. Until next time…
Grieving
The grieving process is something that never stops. It might get easier, but the process never stops. How do I know one may ask? Well, I am still grieving the death of my mother. Evia D. Spight died in 2004; week before her 61st birthday, and I am still going through the grieving process. I thought by now I would be done grieving, but it wasn’t until I had my son that I realized that the process never stops. I find myself going through different phases of grief. And the phase that I am currently in now is anger. I am very angry with my mother for not fighting harder to live.
The definition of grief is a deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement; it is a cause of such suffering; or an unfortunate outcome. And believe me when I say I feel the definition of grief almost everyday, now. The first few weeks were very hard, but as time went on the pain of losing my mother eased some. But when I got married and my family, including my mother, was not there to see it hurt me and I was sad again and wondering why did my mother, my best friend have to died before she got to see me get married. Then the pain of her death arose again when I got pregnant, and again when I had my son, and again every time I look at my son.
I am not in the sad phase at this time, I am angry with her because she just gave up. Medically, I understood what was going on with her body and I was amazed at what she was going through because at that time I was learning about cancer and the damage it can cause to the patient’s body. But at the same time I was hoping that she would be okay and that she would fight harder to stay around, but she had enough of this world and gave up. And now I am here 8 years later still struggling to understand why, and still trying to make it from day to day without talking to my best friend. There are so many things that I want to say to her, and I wish that she could have been there when I got married, found out I was pregnant, and had my first child. I wish she could have gotten the chance to meet her grandson Lee, and her son-in-law Lee. But she didn’t get the chance to do any of it and that makes me so mad.
The reason for this blog is not to just share my story, but to also let you know that you are normal if you are still grieving someone or something. And to let you know that it is okay to feel those emotions. The one thing that I have learned through pray and attending church is that your emotions are ever changing and that you should not react to every emotion because chances are it will change soon. I have also learned that joy really comes in the morning, so just be patient because it really is a never ending process. Feel the emotion and let it go, and know that it is okay to have those feelings just know that they are ever changing. If you have a similar story please share. Until next time….