Category: love

My Weight Lost Journey: A Date With Myself

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Hey guys… I know, long time no hear from and I know that you all have been waiting for my updates. Well, I have a lot to share with you all and I hope my journey will help you on your journey. So, as you probably can tell from the title, I went on a date with myself. I know a lot of people would say why would you want to go on a date by your self? And my response to that question is-if I can’t be alone with myself how can I except someone else to be with me? Continue reading “My Weight Lost Journey: A Date With Myself”

My Weight Loss Journey: Day 252

During the holiday season we are suppose to be happy and joyous. This is the time of the year when families come together to eat, give present to each other, be thankful for each other, and just plain old love on each other. Well, at least that is what the media tells us that we should be doing. But my question is, how do you do all of this and still stay on track with your weight lost plans? Great question, and I have been asking myself that question every day of this month thus far.



So, let me start by saying that I have gain almost 1lb (0.6lbs), and I am soooooo disappointed with myself. I know what some of you are thinking, come on it is not even a pound. But for someone that has been on this journey for years 0.6lbs up is a big thing, because that could start a downward spiral and cause a person to collapse and just gain all the weight back.

Now, I am not saying that is what has happened but I am saying that it has caused me to lose some focus. So, being who I am I began to question why am I losing focus now? And I think it is because of the holiday season. This was the time when I would go home and lay under my family (my mother, sister, aunt, cousin, etc.), but I haven’t been home in years. And the reason that I have not been home in years is because my mother, my best friend in this whole world, is no longer here in the flesh with me. I grieve her every day, and it gets worst during the holiday season. During this time of the year I just fell alone and lost. And all I want to do is eat. So, I do and I feel better for a moment but that moment quickly goes away. So, instead of me doing what I would normally do I decided to search within myself for the answer.   And this week I have really been trying to listen to my body and hear what it is trying to tell me, and what I believe that I am hearing is that I still miss my mother. I miss her and it is having an affect on my weight loss journey.


Don’t be fooled to think that grieve for something or someone will not affect you in your life, because you would be lying to yourself. Like I stated in my previous post about grieving, it never truly goes away. It will get better, and you will be able to deal with it but it will also affect you. And when we all recognized that and accept it we can grow from what the grieve has to teach us. I am not happy that my mother, my best friend, had to leave me so soon. But what I am thankful for is that I have the opportunity to have a mother that loved me unconditionally. She was proud of me even when I made mistakes. She was my biggest supporter and my toughest critique. But I knew and know she loved me no matter what.


Yes, I am disappointed that the scale went up instead of down, but I am not going to quit and throw in the towel on this journey. My mommy would not like that, she would say the winners never quit and quitter never win; so which one are you. She would also say that she is proud of me for even attempting to lose weight, to acknowledge that I have a weakness for cakes and cookies, sweets in general because most people would lie to themselves and continue to do what they have been doing.


I ask my self that question everyday, which one am I? So, now I am asking you; which one are you? There are something in this life that we must fight for, and right now I am fight to lose weight; which will lead to something bigger. Which one are you? And what are you fighting for? I am up now but I will be down, and I will reach my weight lost goal…..


Please share your own personal stories of lost and triumph. Until next time…


 

My Motherhood Journey

June 7, 2012 I joined a sisterhood that no one can even understand until they join the club, the sisterhood of being a mother. After I became a mother a remembered that my mother would always say, you will understand what I mean when you become a mother, and I must say I truly understand everything she has ever told me.  God gave me to opportunity to be a mother to the world’s most precious gem, a black man child. The African American male is the world’s most feared, but most powerful human being that God has placed on this earth and the sad thing about the whole thing is that he does not know his potential. So, now I am on this wonder, amazing journey of being a mother to my son and I am thankful, joyous, and very concerned about my child’s future.

 Some may be wondering how did this all come about, and I must say that I have always wanted to speak about  being a mother, as it is so amazing, but after hearing the verdict against George Zimmerman a few weeks ago, I just had to get some of my thoughts out. The night when George Zimmerman was found not guilt of all counts against him in the murder of Trayvon Martin really showed me that history is now but just being presented in a different form and that something has to be done, but what.  I was up late just looking at the walls and the ceiling trying to figure out what can I do to help to create change in this world for my son, what can I do to make sure that he will have a chance to become the person God wants him to become, what can I do to make sure that this does not happen again, what can I do? And while I was thinking about what I could do Lee, my son, woke up and I had to go see what was wrong with him. After I got him to go back to sleep, I began to realize that changing the world starts in my house by teaching my son to honor and respect himself.  Changing the world starts with me being a parent, with me being his mother.
We (African-Americans) have to realize that we have to continue telling the stories of our ancestors so future generations don’t forget what happen, but we also have to teach our child to be better than we were. The only way to change the world is to change ourselves. We have to think differently and be smart in order for the world to think differently about the African-American race. Even though a lot of African-Americans think they don’t represent each other, when I reality we do and we owe it to our ancestor to keep moving forward to make sure this world changes for the better of every American.
So, my motherhood journey has began. And I have realized that I must set rules in place for my son now in order for him to be a respectable, strong, intelligent, honorable African-American man. Well, that’s all for now but I will keep you all update about my motherhood journey. In the mean time you all can share some of your motherhood stories. Until next time…

Relationships: They All Take Work….

Merriam-Webster defines a relationship as the state of being related or interrelated; the relation connecting or binding participants in a relationship; a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealing; and a romantic or passionate attachment. And as I have grown I have learned that a relationship is exactly how it is defined. I have learned that as I get older relationship get more complicated and few.When I was in high school I had so many friends, and I had a few guys that was interested in me. But growing up I was a shy and quiet girl, until I joined the basketball team. When I started playing basketball it seemed like more people began to notice me, and I began to form more relationships. The more new relationships that I formed the more my older relationship were tested. This was my first experience with jealousy and I am still experiencing it today at the age of 34. But at my current age it seems like the experiences are getting harder and louder, and I still don’t know how to handle the situation. Maybe that is why I keep going through the same situation but with different relationships.


Being some one’s daughter and sister, a friend, a wife, a mother, a co-worker, and so on, changes as you grow and change. I thought that things would stay the same or get better as I grew up, but things just seem to get more complicated. When I was in high school I did not have to work so hard at a relationship, and now it seems like I have to work extra hard to let everyone in my life know that I care about them. But I must say that I have fewer friends and the one relationship that should be priority seems to be pushed to the side, and that is my relationship with God. Through everything that I have been through, every experience, God has always been there. God never changes, no mare how I change and grow; and for that I am so relived. He is the one thing, the only thing that has been constant and I have consistently pushed Him to the side. I am beginning to see that I must nourish the relationship between God, because it is that relationship that teaches me how to better for the other relationships, and how to let go of some relationships.

Because every relationship that you form takes work to grow it and to maintain, but if you focus on the one relationship that matters, the relationship between you and God, then the other relationship will all work out for your good. I really would like to hear about your experiences with relationships, so spill it. Until next time….

Grieving

The grieving process is something that never stops. It might get easier, but the process never stops. How do I know one may ask? Well, I am still grieving the death of my mother. Evia D. Spight died in 2004; week before her 61st birthday, and I am still going through the grieving process. I thought by now I would be done grieving, but it wasn’t until I had my son that I realized that the process never stops. I find myself going through different phases of grief. And the phase that I am currently in now is anger. I am very angry with my mother for not fighting harder to live.


The definition of grief is a deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement; it is a cause  of such suffering; or an unfortunate outcome. And believe me when I say I feel the definition of grief almost everyday, now. The first few weeks were very hard, but as time went on the pain of losing my mother eased some. But when I got married and my family, including my mother, was not there to see it hurt me and I was sad again and wondering why did my mother, my best friend have to died before she got to see me get married. Then the pain of her death arose again when I got pregnant, and again when I had my son, and again every time I look at my son.

I am not in the sad phase at this time, I am angry with her because she just gave up. Medically, I understood what was going on with her body and I was amazed at what she was going through because at that time I was learning about cancer and the damage it can cause to the patient’s body. But at the same time I was hoping that she would be okay and that she would fight harder to stay around, but she had enough of this world and gave up. And now I am here 8 years later still struggling to understand why, and still trying to make it from day to day without talking to my best friend. There are so many things that I want to say to her, and I wish that she could have been there when I got married, found out I was pregnant, and had my first child. I wish she could have gotten the chance to meet her grandson Lee, and her son-in-law Lee. But she didn’t get the chance to do any of it and that makes me so mad.

The reason for this blog is not to just share my story, but to also let you know that you are normal if you are still grieving someone or something. And to let you know that it is okay to feel those emotions. The one thing that I have learned through pray and attending church is that your emotions are ever changing and that you should not react to every emotion because chances are it will change soon. I have also learned that joy really comes in the morning, so just be patient because it really is a never ending process. Feel the emotion and let it go, and know that it is okay to have those feelings just know that they are ever changing. If you have a similar story please share. Until next time….